Category General Blogs

Mindfulness as a way out

Max Beaulieu Leave a comment

Most people misunderstand mindfulness.

In most people’s mind meditation is a check-mark on the to-do list.

the most common refrain, and the refrain i used as a shield from the terror of mindfulness, and it is terrifying, is that “i cannot concentrate.”

this is because the modern mindset is one lived in the shadow of the ego. The internet in all it’s fantastical power has done much to help us, but spiritually it drains us.

Each day it unveils another horror perpetuated by man on man. It is easy to become disheveled and depressed at the sheer number of horrors. Not only that the various social media platforms program themselves to feed a steady serving of this bad news to us, as our minds are naturally problem solvers.

The problem with that is of course that these problems are nuanced, layered and complex. They require systemic solutions that will take years, and in the mean time we are ultimately powerless.

But the actual issue, is of course the modern human rarely pulls himself out of this world of symbols.

To Paraphrase Milton ” the mind is a place unto itself, it can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven.”

People fundamentally in this world of horrors, to-do lists and constant movement lose sight of the true goal of mediation.

Meditation is practice in waking up, over and over, each day knowing that it will never be the last time until we live this mortal coil. Mediation, is trying to stir yourself awake enough times so that at the end of your life you can look back at it and think yes I lived.

Mediation is a practice.

The best metaphor I heard about meditation was this ” meditation is like sweeping a floor. One does not sweep a floor once, and think there it is done, I shall never have to sweep the floor again. Meditation is the acceptance that though the floor is clean temporarily it will need to be swept again.”

Toxic Masculinity is Toxic to All Parties

Max Beaulieu 1 Comment

It is a curious phenomena that despite being overwhelmingly privileged in many areas Men are poisoned by toxic masculinity as much as anyone else.

For instance, as a white hetro-normative male, I will rarely, if ever find myself under the boot of police discrimination. (unless of course I am poor, the western world’s new serf class).

However, I may find myself looked at strangely if I express even a passing interest in say the education or entertainment of children.

When I was a substitute teacher for k-6 children, a job I adored, Teachers and parents alike eyed me with keen suspicion. By all accounts, the culture dictated that if I chose to work with children there must be something wrong with me, as that was not a Man’s place.

Now not all saw me this way. Many teachers were absolutely thrilled about the prospect of a male teacher joining the fray, but the attitudes of the other teachers made me think twice about becoming an Elementary school teacher. (that and the atrocious work load dumped on the most passionate people.)

Men are overwhelmingly jailed, under/unemployed, and depressed. This is not to say our ancestors did not construct a world where they did these things to the less able. It is the legacy of hundreds or thousands of years of sexism.

But there comes a time I wonder if the efforts of our culture to eradicate sexism have become more about punishing past wrongs.

To show emotions is to err. To be well spoken is to be a snob. To stand up for ones self is seen as aggression. To kowtow to the mob is weakness. It seems that for many less educated men, they cannot seem to find the correct footing that will grant them access to the culture.

It is in this isolation I fear. In isolation and shame grows hate, and as the hate grows, the frustration, I see a rising tide of men who see themselves with nothing to lose. That is a scary thing, a man who thinks he has nothing to lose, and with no other outlet often will seek violence. They cannot see of course this violence will do nothing but further fragment and isolate, but in that moment of social pain they cannot do anything but double down on their own toxicity.

I am not trying to evoke pity. I am not attempting to justify the horrors that ancestors past, and some men currently perpetuate, I am simply questioning the rhetoric, and the end goal.

What is the cultural end goal for the modern man? Where are we to go? What are we to do? We are human, and many of us don’t believe in the zero-sum, rule or be ruled ideas of the past.

What is a modern man to do? I wish I knew.

And the worst part is… we are all doing the best we can.

Max Beaulieu Leave a comment

I am a highly critical individual. My primary focus is myself. Lately, I’ve been working on becoming more accepting of the universe. More accepting of the sticky F key on my laptop, more accepting of my erratic sleep schedule, and more accepting of my penchant for emotional outbursts.

The world is on fire right now, but in it’s defense it’s been burning for a long time. The embers that started this fire are at their youngest 500 years old. I am not the right person to comment on all this, I am a Hetero white guy, living in an upper middle class suburb outside one of the richest cities in LA. All I can say is, well F#*$.

My mind jumps to be critical, but the voice of mindfulness puts a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I recall, there is no better reality where none of this happens. Everyone, including me, is doing their best, and it’s all a tragedy.

That does not mean we cannot change the future. I’ve just realized that I cant fix now because now is already too late.

It’s hard to see a path forward in this land of desolation, where 100 companies create nearly 70% of all pollution, a corrupt political system rots slowly around us, and people of color are gunned down without cause or consequence to the killer. But, what else can a man do?

This morning I sat with this overwhelming sadness, before reminding myself of my favorite metaphor of mindfulness.

One does not sweep a floor with the intent that this will be the last time the floor will ever have to be swept, one sweeps the floor because it is dirty. The floor will become dirty again, but that is a problem for the future.

The Limits of a Chromebook

Max Beaulieu 1 Comment

I love my Chromebook. I write this on it now. It is nimble, light and flexible. I liken it to a razor, even the shape and color evokes the feel of a fine cutting instrument. That being said, I recently discovered why an actual laptop might be a necessity.

Web design is something I recently delved into and I find myself scrounging for low power alternatives to the rock-star that is the Adobe Creative Suite, (don’t get me started at the prohibitive costs of said Suite.) While many open source and low cost alternatives exist they are programmed for a windows or Linux Environment. While quite functional the Chrome OS is rather limited in it’s ability to handle many of the tasks I need it for. Moreover, lately it has gotten a tad sluggish, a problem I have resolved so far. Overall, I think the Chromebook is a good tool, I just think I have grown beyond the odd Facebook post, and Imgur viewing spree.

Evolution in Advertising.

Max Beaulieu Leave a comment

I was musing on how escalation is a driving force in cultural evolution.

Allow me to grossly oversimplify here:

The traditional method of a news paper making a profit was simple. Sell a paper for what it costs to make it, and some mark up. This method worked but in an effort to make more revenue Periodicals began to accept more and more money from advertising. This model worked until the advent and expansion of the internet.

With the internet the initial investment of a magazine, or newspaper was lost. In addition, the internet could do something that newspapers couldn’t, keep up with the 24 hour news cycle.

This loss of income was offset by the introduction of more and more add space on every page. Users then sought ways to disable these ads, mainly in the form of Ad Blocking programs.

This has led to promoted content. Content that is made to look and sound like a genuine part of whatever website you are on, but is actually an advertisement.

I wonder what the next development will be if this evolutionary arms race continues? Will the line between promoted and non-promoted content begin to blur?

One answer to this phenomena is the rise in subscription based but other wise advertising free services. Netflix represents a good example, as does Pornhub, as both are taking a business that has been run primarily on advertisements simply skipping the middle man of advertising to pay for it.

Is this the future, a subscription based paradise free from advertisement? Only time will tell.

The age of the patron returns

Max Beaulieu Leave a comment

Patreon.com, Indieagogo.com, and Kickstarter.com are the biggest threat to the megastar, and that’s a good thing.

Amanda Palmer is my favorite artist that no one has ever heard of. I read her book, I listen to her music, and when I can I donate to her. Most people I know have something similar, like my friend Danny who is a proud backer of board games on Kickstarter, or my brother Alex who will support different YouTube channels on Patreon. Most people have what I call a pocket artist, someone who is famous to only a small group of people.

Wait what is a megastar?

Think Kanye West, Hemingway, or J.K. Rowling. Celebrities known to the vast majority of the population, and supported by  a slew of team members of their respective industries. For decades they were the gold standard. The model was simple but highly capitalistic, and made only a few people able to make a living off what they love to do.

Now thanks to people who make monthly donations, people who would have spent years working in a coffee shop, can make a living, although often a modest one, working as artists, musicians and the like.

 

To sum it up. It’s a good time to be a creative.

The author osbcura returns: AKA I have been on Hiatus

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I have been away. I am sorry. I am planning on bringing back the Japan trip, and I am going to try and update this blog weekly. If possible every Wednesday.

Inside out: the tyranny of joy

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So last night I saw inside out. I walked in with expectations. I didn’t realize this until half way through when I decided to try and put them aside.

When I did I was struck hard by the core message of the film. Pixar taught me something. They taught me, all emotions have a place in your life.

It is a common myth that if you are not eternally joyful something is wrong. But each emotion plays a significant role in us as humans.
Anyhow small update. Having a bleh week. Thanks for reading.

The art of asking in practice

Max Beaulieu 2 Comments

Today I asked to eat lunch before I went out to get the crew theirs. as it turns out the problem had resolved itself, but I asked. It’s then I heard her, Amanda Palmer, her voice resonating in her skull the same voice I Read her book in. I always make up a voice in my head for the narrator in the books I read, but I don’t choose how its sounds the story chooses. I almost don’t want to hear the author speak in real life after I’ve made up the thought voice. Anyhow, I heard her, and she was cheering me on, cheering me on for asking for yesterday off and for feeling my rage, my annoyance, and not just swallowing it and moving on. I am actually proud of myself for the first time in a long time.

So here we are, and I am sorry

Max Beaulieu Leave a comment

I have been a selfish blogger. Here I am casting my words off into the void, and people are reading them and liking them, and not having the common decency to sit down and communicate. Communication is key.

I had a very odd set of beliefs in my head. These beliefs rotated around the idea that the artist and the fan had to be separate that they couldn’t mingle, like the potatoes and gravy, they were connected, but only cheap idiosyncratic artists interacted.

Oh, what a heathen I have been. If you read my blog I wanted to thank you for doing so, and I want to follow yours, and I want to read about your life,  I want to connect. I want to be there with you. So yes, I have been a fat head, but I saw the light.

Thanks, Amanda Palmer, you are changing my life.

I thought I wanted to be a famous writer, you taught me what I really wanted was to be a connected one.

PS: I am gonna upload the last post of my travel blog soon. It will be a doozy, so I am gonna do it in 2-3 bits. Stay tuned.