Category General Blogs

Reddit’s Great lie

Max Beaulieu Leave a comment

I don’t go on Reddit anymore.

For a lot of reasons but the main one came along when I discovered a simple tool that shows the posts the moderators of different subreddits have removed.

Reddit doesn’t tell you when they do this.

When I found the tool I laughed. No way we’re any of my comments removed. I’ve never been toxic on Reddit.

I was shocked to find the moderators of various subreddits removed over 100 of my comments over the life of my time on Reddit.

And suddenly it clicked.

 All of reddit was not as it seemed on the surface a place where popularity decided the most important stories, comics , images and videos. Reddit held an agenda.

Reddit has a very specific way of seeing the world and any variation to this viewpoint would be weeded out quietly and quickly by volunteer bureaucrats.

With the crashing of glass the spell was broken. The endless well of content seemed poisoned now. Knowing as I did that nothing I said mattered. All I could do was contribute to the subreddits propaganda department.

So I quit. I stopped reading it because it was all a lie. A self generated lie where what the petty bureaucrats want to be popular becomes popular with anything that might challenge the narrative.

And to be honest. Not much has changed. I’m not so upset at the world all the time. That’s about it. Turns out scanning the headlines in the morning is all you need to stay in the loop.

And peace is worth a little less Internet street cred.

You are invisible and that’s ok

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Something I realized lately is that to most of the population I am an extra at best in this play of life but for the most part no one is looking at me. Even if they are they don’t know who I am. Even if they do they probably don’t care.

You are special to people who know you. The people who love you cherish you, and to them you matter.

But to know someone takes time. Time is limited and so the number of people you truly can know beyond the trivial is minimal

Not to mention that most people are just like you, paying attention to their actions , thoughts and feelings.

Finally, add in the pull of the smart phone which people are buried in and you realize that for the most part you could do whatever you want and as long as you aren’t hurting anyone no one is gonna even notice or remember.

While this might seem like a great existential problem, reframing it as a human boon can help you immensely.

Since no one is watching really, you can do whatever you want, in the private of your own life. You are free to dye your hair green,or dress like a hipster or wear an anime tshirt.

Because at the end of the day no one is really gonna care except you.

AFYM: Being Single is Not a Problem to be solved

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Photo by Gary Barnes on Pexels.com

It seems silly to say that 2020 has changed things. Dating is one of them. I haven’t dated really in 2020 for fear of well, the elephant in the room.

But also part of that was the realization that dating apps have begun to suck more and more. Not that they were all that great to begin with, just 2020 pushed them to the edge of being bad.

The problem lies in the nature of a “Free” product. Like most social media platforms the user is the product. In this case, the apps are free not out of the kindness of the developer’s hearts but instead to extract money through the same mechanisms that most freemium services to, exploiting flaws in your psychology.

moreover, these services are making you sad.

The first problem is that they present a false sense of abundance. This puts both women, and men into a sense that they can always do better, that even if this one doesn’t work out. While that inst a bad attitude per-say, it can be problematic in that it tends to lead us to the path of the perfectionist. Suddenly small things you might have forgiven in an age without social media convince you to abandon an otherwise great relationship in pursuit of something “better”

Dating apps act as a kind of simulacrum to actually you know talking to people as well. In a world without dating apps. the same way that social media acts as a simulacrum to actual socializing. in my experience I often found myself not pushing myself to risk talking to a pretty girl because Why risk the in person rejection? I mean it’s not like I am not dating people or trying to date people.

But if I was honest with myself I often found myself endlessly swiping away in search of the “perfect” or “ideal” person, instead of say striking up a conversation with a beautiful girl.

But the main problem is that Dating apps are philosophically flawed. I’m not saying they don’t work but they promote an unhealthy focus on the dichotomy of singleness and completeness.

Moreover, it places a lot of pressure on the actual act of dating instead of the act of living. It suddenly takes a normal human experience and turns it into a problem to be solved.

I’m not saying dating sites don’t have their place, especially in a pandemic however, it’s important you are using them to supplement your dating pool not replace it, and you approach it mindfully.

You are not a problem to be solved and neither is singleness.

Motivation is Stupid, Habits are better

Max Beaulieu 2 Comments

I suck at being motivated. I will be extremely into something for a week only to see myself burn out.

For many years I interpreted this as a failure of choice. If I’d actually been “destined” to do this, Job, relationship, or hobby, my motivation would have never waned.

That’s bullshit.

The truth is Motivation is an exceptionally limited resource.

The best comparison I’ve ever heard is adrenaline. Motivation like adrenaline is great for getting yourself out of sticky situations, that might otherwise threaten to end a dream (or life) early. However, if you spend too much time in that state of overwhelming motivation, you burn out.

So what do you do?

you form habits, and you show up.

Dumb huh?

You just don’t give up. When you miss a blog post, you post one the next day. When you don’t feel like writing you show up and stare at a page. Because what you are doing is programing.

I didn’t work out for most of my adult life. But one day, after reading how good it was for my mental health, I decided to work out. I got a gym membership, and then I just went.

The first week, I didn’t do anything but walk around the gym. Seriously, I just put on my gym clothes and walked around, and left.

But week two, I just got on a treadmill for 5 minutes. The reason, I figured, I was already here, Might as well. That 5 became 30 and my visits became daily.

Now I get some form of physical exercise every day, and it feels weird if I don’t.

That state of “it feels weird if I don’t” isn’t guilt, it isn’t motivation, it’s just that the desired behavior has become such a part of your life you do it without thought.

The key though is not just to show up, but also not to make a big deal of your failures. You didn’t hit the gym…oh well…do it tomorrow.

It sounds silly but you want to reward yourself for doing and ignore the not doing. If you give the not doing attention, even negate attention, it tends to get stronger.

Motivation sucks. Just show up, try your best, and be ridiculously (in your critical head) kind to yourself about it.

Now comes the hardest part: Letting go and moving on

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The election is for the most part over. I don’t want to get political here, and I wont, but aside from the legal challenges of current president, the political battle for the United State’s highest office is all but decided.

But now comes the hardest part. We need to take a good hard look at ourselves and our opponents and understand them.

To quote an ancient proverb ” When you go seeking revenge, dig two graves.” I know many in the president elect’s camp seek to other, and destroy those in the current president’s camp and vice versa, but that logic is flawed.

First off, it labors under the idea of a Zero sum game, or the idea that someone must lose in order for someone else to win. This makes sense. For most of human history our psychology and biology developed in a zero sum environment. Sometimes in order for the tribe our ancestors were in to survive they had to commit atrocities to other people. However, in today’s world of nearly unlimited resources, we no longer have to destroy someone else to win. The inner-connectivity of the world might pose many problems, but it allows us in the western world to enjoy the bounties of almost always having too much.

Second, the mindset of destroying my “enemies” is largely what got us into the highly partisan and separated mindset that we are in today. Because each time we punish a group, they remember, and they pass that remembrance onto their children who then bring that grudge to bear when they are in power. And so on and so on.

The way forward is instead one of vulnerability. We must all lay our sins to bear at the table, and once it is done say, OK, we’ve all done bad things to people, but let’s bury the hatchet.

This isn’t about making it even, or balancing one bad thing against another, but instead a period of forgiveness to forge unity. Without a common coalition the current divisiveness in the US will do nothing but worsen.

Jesus, whether you believe him to be the son of God or a wise Philosopher, had it right if someone slaps you, you offer them the other cheek. Not because you are so much better than them, but because you recognize that you yourself have done things wrong, and people deserve forgiveness, and so do you.

Anxiety is a call to action, but you don’t have to pick up.

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Anxiety is hell. It’s a great survival mechanism, but one that lacks nuance. It’s on or it’s off and the thing about it is, that each time we cave to anxiety we reinforce it.

This is the main principle behind Cognitive Behavioral theory.

The more we understand about emotions the more we learn that they aren’t based off reality so much as our own perceptions, and how we feel we should feel based off previous experiences, colloquial expectations, and cultural knowledge.

What this means is that our emotions, while powerful and useful aren’t accurate in and of themselves, but they also shouldn’t be ignored.

The key, the real hard balance, is finding the right measure to honor the emotion, and be curious about it, while still not caving to them all the time. Sometimes emotions know what is going on better than your logic or intuition might, and other times one of the other intelligence rules the roost.

While I don’t think there’s a wrong way to process emotions, I think the main key is to identify the patterns of thinking you want to follow, and put your energy towards those, versus the thought patterns that are dragging you down the same old paths.

Persistence

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It isn’t that I dislike writing, or find it troublesome. I can write 2000 words in an hour or so. No, the problem is that life gets in the way.

That being said, I have some projects I am working on. A podcast to go with my Advice for Young Men series is slowly being assembled, and I want to write some more semi-free-flowing fiction.

Stay tuned, and thank you all who read my blog. I means a lot!

Schedules Are Important

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In the Covid World, many peoples are feeling lost, and their lives are kind of going off the wall.

I’ve worked most consistently since I was 16 and so having a good 6 months off has sent me a drift.

I realized lately that having some semblance of a schedule will help me.

So now, I’ve been trying to consistently get up at the same time even if I don’t go to bed at the same time. I’m trying to have a basic few routines that I am doing every day in order to add some normalcy.

This can be tough, especially if you struggle with self motivation.

Best bet in that case is to simply start small, and be gentle. This is a strange time, do what you can to make it work for you.

If you must suffer, Suffer Well

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One of Monet’s works Courtesy of the Wikimedia Foundation

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

It is curious that if ones looks hard enough threads of humanity link us together. At the core of nearly every philosophy there is a supposition, a rule, a dictate, or a truth.

One must suffer.

This is not exclusively an eastern philosophy, and it can be found in the works of Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankle, and in the works of many Existential philosophers of the western cannon. This consistent thread is one of the reasons I am currently convinced of it’s veracity.

Now many take this truth and turn it to Nihilism. They learn like the dog in the electrified cage that there is no escape from suffering and so fall into learned helplessness.

However, unlike the poor abused animal in that horrific experiment in the past, we are not bound by our physiology, instead if we allow ourselves to we can learn we are helpless to suffer, but able to choose the type of suffering.

“I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.”

― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Why does this matter? Because not all suffering is made the same.

Suffering is not some meaningless thing thrust upon us, but our perception of change. The world changes. I often struggled with the idea that accepting everything as is without judgement would be impossible.

Would I not simply stagnate?

How could I accomplish such an insurmountable task?

To answer my own questions:

No, the world will not stop by accepting it, by accepting it you instead become able to respond better and more efficiently, change is not optional, though you can choose to grow.

To be frank, you cannot do it. I know sounds super Kooky right? Well it’s not. You can simply try and practice at it, each time moving away or from it, but moving none the less.

Suffering is the price of admission to life.

Though there are some that might scoff at it’s simplicity, it is my current belief that you could not know that something was pleasurable if you did not know what pain was.

I think this is why we have what we generally call first world problems. Suffering always measures itself in relation to the situation. If one is hungry they suffer, if one is fed they might complain about the quality of the food. If one has nothing but high quality food they might suffer the dread of boredom.

By being cogniscient that suffering will come along, we are no longer at its behest, and instead greet it as an old friend, knowing that our labors have been paid for and any boons or banes we earn are our own.

So if you must suffer, choose to suffer well, but if you can change something, then do so!