AFYM: Being Single is Not a Problem to be solved

Photo by Gary Barnes on

It seems silly to say that 2020 has changed things. Dating is one of them. I haven’t dated really in 2020 for fear of well, the elephant in the room.

But also part of that was the realization that dating apps have begun to suck more and more. Not that they were all that great to begin with, just 2020 pushed them to the edge of being bad.

The problem lies in the nature of a “Free” product. Like most social media platforms the user is the product. In this case, the apps are free not out of the kindness of the developer’s hearts but instead to extract money through the same mechanisms that most freemium services to, exploiting flaws in your psychology.

moreover, these services are making you sad.

The first problem is that they present a false sense of abundance. This puts both women, and men into a sense that they can always do better, that even if this one doesn’t work out. While that inst a bad attitude per-say, it can be problematic in that it tends to lead us to the path of the perfectionist. Suddenly small things you might have forgiven in an age without social media convince you to abandon an otherwise great relationship in pursuit of something “better”

Dating apps act as a kind of simulacrum to actually you know talking to people as well. In a world without dating apps. the same way that social media acts as a simulacrum to actual socializing. in my experience I often found myself not pushing myself to risk talking to a pretty girl because Why risk the in person rejection? I mean it’s not like I am not dating people or trying to date people.

But if I was honest with myself I often found myself endlessly swiping away in search of the “perfect” or “ideal” person, instead of say striking up a conversation with a beautiful girl.

But the main problem is that Dating apps are philosophically flawed. I’m not saying they don’t work but they promote an unhealthy focus on the dichotomy of singleness and completeness.

Moreover, it places a lot of pressure on the actual act of dating instead of the act of living. It suddenly takes a normal human experience and turns it into a problem to be solved.

I’m not saying dating sites don’t have their place, especially in a pandemic however, it’s important you are using them to supplement your dating pool not replace it, and you approach it mindfully.

You are not a problem to be solved and neither is singleness.

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